The Hogwarts Hearsay
by erinnn
Summary: Want to know what Head Boy James Potter does on the weekends? Want to know who Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain George Laurence is snogging? Want to know exactly what kind of knickers Professor McGonagall wears? Look no further, dear reader!
1. Notice to All Students!

_NOTICE TO ALL STUDENTS!_

_How many of you Hogwarts students sit around in your dormitories or common rooms at night or on the weekends with absolutely nothing to do except chess, exploding snap or—dare I say it—school work? But now here's something new, something fresh, and something scandalous._

_Introducing the _HOGWARTS HEARSAY,_ a brand-spanking-new glossy with all the latest and greatest gossip from all over the school and wizarding world. What more could anyone want? The _Hearsay_ is your number one source for all the juicy details you're just dying to hear but have no access to. _

_Want to know what Head Boy James Potter does on the weekends? Want to know who Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain George Laurence is snogging? Want to know exactly what kind of knickers Professor McGonagall wears? Look no further, dear reader!_

_This weekly rag-mag is going to be full of everything you've ever wanted to know about everyone – and then some. It's all very exciting and very… er, inappropriate. Not according to any of the students' standards, but to the administration. And after careful consideration the staff of the _Hearsay_ would like to plead to the student body that they not snitch on us. If you do, we'll know who you are. Every person who picks up a copy of the _Hearsay_ will henceforth be bound to silence. That is, silence toward the professors. There's some of ye olde magick going on here, folks, and should you tell, you'll see what we mean. Scary enough? We'd like to think so._

_So with that out of the way, keep your eyes open for a new copy in your common room each week. You'll see it, but the teachers won't. To their eyes, it'll just look like a bunch of old study notes._

_We look forward to keeping you entertained and up-to-date!_

_Sincerely,_

_The Staff of the _Hearsay

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_Would you like to drop off a tip?_

_Yeah, we know. We have our own eyes and ears opened and peeled everywhere, but we could always use a little bit of help. If you have something you'd like to tell us, send an owl to:_

The Hogwarts Hearsay

_Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry_

_All tips will be anonymous unless otherwise noted._


	2. Crash and Burn of the NonCouple

**A/N: I'd like to admit something: I'm a gossip whore. I love reading tabloids and I love reading gossip blogs. There's just something about them that's so juicy, so satisfying and so… mindless. That's sort of what I'm trying to achieve here. I want this to just be a collection of mindless, enjoyable short stories written like articles and stuff like that. **

**Originally this story was supposed to be completely Lily-centric. Then I realized how stupid that was. Tabloids don't solely focus on one person, no matter how intriguing they are (think Britney Spears or Angelina Jolie). So having a story written like a collection of tabloid articles chronicling Lily's every move is a little stupid. **

**So now I'm going to write the story with a whole bunch of people involved. There are going to be a lot of chapters that are L/J, a few that center around the staff, some about other Marauders and still others about any other characters I like. Each chapter is going to be the "cover story" of that week's issue, and the chapters aren't necessarily all related. They are going to occur in chronological order, but the only real continuing story line is going to be that of Lily and James. The rest are just going to be fun fillers. )**

**This is experimental, and I really hope it works out. I'm a little iffy on the structure of this story, so please feel free to leave as much feedback as you want. And if you think of any brilliant ideas about characters in specific situations, you can tell me and I'll write about it and credit you as the source.**

**Disclaimer: I am nothing but a student. I don't any of the rights to anything and I'm not making any money off of this. So… don't sue please and thanks!**

CRASH AND BURN OF THE NON-COUPLE

_Is this the end of the Pax Head-people-a?_

If there is one thing that's not a secret in this school it has to be the rocky relationship between our beloved Head Boy and Girl. Many of Lily Evans and James Potter's fights have been quite public and memorable: who can forget the time in fifth year when Lily pushed James into the lake? And what about the time when James charmed a cloud of sparkles that read, "HEX ME, I DESERVE IT" follow the redheaded firecracker around for a week?

Yes, the student body – and possibly the professors – all have fond memories of the pair snarking and snapping and cursing each other.

But could it all be over? The _Hearsay_ has learned that Evans and Potter, both 17, have had the fight to end all fights this past weekend.

"It was really bad," an anonymous tipster tells the _Hearsay._ "I was in my dormitory and I could hear them going at it in the common room, and my room is seven floors up!"

Yet people in Gryffindor, the school house of both Evans and Potter, can attest to the fact that they fight regularly in the common room. Some say that it has become rather entertaining and that the students watch it as if it were some sort of show. Also, the entire school can attest to the fact that both of them have really loud voices that can carry quite admirably. So why is this fight so different?

"It's because James has a new girlfriend," says our tipster. "You know Emmeline Vance, right? Well, he's dating Emmeline Vance. At least they were snogging pretty hardcore in the broom cupboard. I would know if it was hardcore or not. I found them. Oh, I wasn't using the broom cupboard to do anything like that, I just wanted a broom. And I found them. And then I was all, 'Whoa, that's intense' because it was. So yeah. He's dating Emmeline."

Well, okay then. One might say that it's about time. After all, Potter is one of the most eligible bachelors at Hogwarts. He is Head Boy, captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team, has top marks and a devilish grin that is slightly lopsided. He's quite the catch, and it's the opinion of many people that he has pined for Evans for far too long. It's rumored that he began to fancy her in their first year, expressed his "undying love" for her in their fifth and then proceeded to ask her out everyday for a year.

Yeah, it's about time he got over her. No offense, but it was getting sad.

It's unclear why Evans took the news so hard, but upon hearing it from a third party, she immediately sought Potter out and began to scold him and telling him that a girlfriend would only distract him from his Head duties that he has been dutifully ignoring ever since he received the post. She went on to tell him that having a girlfriend was bad for him and that he didn't really know how to treat women and she was better off without him.

Quite a mouth on that one, eh?

Potter didn't take the last few comments very well and shot back with a carefully aimed, "How would you know? Why do you _care_? We're not friends, we were never friends and so I really don't give a rat's arse about what you think. I'm not the person you think I am, Evans, and I think I like it that way. So kindly take you nose out of my business and start looking out for yourself because you need far more help than I do."

He was vindictive and mean, which is surprising because Potter has hardly ever reacted in a hostile manner towards Evans' barbs. He would normally prank her, call her names or just laugh at her and provoke her some more. To actually reply maliciously is something new, and Evans didn't appear to know how to react. So after a moment of blinking surprise she stomped on his foot and stomped her way out of the common room as people quickly jumped out of her way to avoid getting stomped on.

This occurred of Saturday evening. It is now Tuesday and they still have not spoken to each other despite the fact that they lead the Prefect meeting yesterday and they have a group project due in potions along with Remus Lupin and Henry Goyle on Friday.

Since the school year began a week and a day ago, it seemed as though they were willing to put aside their differences and work together as the Heads. Without them speaking, will it mess up with our school events? Will we ever see another humorous public spat? Will Evans' hair be turned pink again? And, most importantly, with Potter's girlfriend in the picture, will a Lily-James union ever come about?

For now, the answer seems like no to every question above. Let us take a moment of silence to grieve for the loss of the tumultuous non-friendship of our favourite non-couple. It was fun while it lasted, probably more for us spectators than for the people who were involved.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night.

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_Would you like to drop off a tip?_

_Yeah, we know. We have our own eyes and ears opened and peeled everywhere, but we could always use a little bit of help. If you have something you'd like to tell us, send an owl to:_

The Hogwarts Hearsay

_Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry_

_All tips will be anonymous unless otherwise noted._


	3. Siriusly in Love

**A/N: ****Hello everyone! It's been a while. But here's a new chapter, and I hope you enjoy it. I took some of your requests and kind of merged them into one, and so I don't know if I can thank you enough for taking the time to review and giving me suggestions. **

**DISCLAIMER: ****I am nothing but a student. I don't any of the rights to anything and I'm not making any money off of this. So… don't sue please and thanks!**

SIRIUSLY IN LOVE

_Could one of Hogwarts' top playboys finally be taken? Who is his lady love?_

Sirius Black, 17, certainly fits the bill for a womanizer. Not only is he tall, dark and handsome, but also smart and mischievous. So really, there's a little bit for every one. His looks attract the shallow people, his brains the nerds and his slightly naughty streak gets to just about everyone else. As you can see, even this reporter has fallen under Sirius' spell. Not that this reporter minds. He _is_ an awesome bit of eye-candy…

But is that all he is to be? Just eye-candy? Have his philandering, womanizing ways finally come to an end after all these years? Will hearts all over Hogwarts be bleeding after this article is read?

Alas, the sad answer to all these questions is yes. Yes, Sirius is now strictly off-limits. He was seen yesterday on the grounds holding a long-stemmed red rose by an anonymous tipster, who had this to say: "Oh, my gosh! There he was, in all his sexy Sirius glory. And he was totally holding a rose and I almost fainted because when he was walking past me outside my the lake I could of _sworn_ that he winked at me. So I obviously thought that the rose was for me, but he just kept on walking past me and into the castle, which I guess makes sense because he doesn't even know my name.

And then I completely followed him, because how often is it that you see Sirius Black of all people holding a rose? It's totally the ultimate romantic gesture and I really wanted to know who it was for so I could jump the lucky girl and steal it for myself.

Anyway, I was following him and he went up to the second floor and into the girls' toilets! After a minute or two, he came out, smiling, _sans_ rose! So naturally, I went in after he left and there was Moaning Myrtle, smiling like a happy duck with the rose! I almost barfed and fainted at the same time!"

Who would have ever thought Myrtle could smile? Furthermore, who would have ever thought that Sirius would give Myrtle a rose?

Myrtle, apparently, was not shocked. After receiving this tip, people from the _Hearsay_ were able to reach Myrtle for a comment. When asked if Sirius gave her the rose out of love, she smiled coyly and replied, "But of course. Nowadays, boys don't go around giving roses to girls they don't like."

According to the mournful ghost, Sirius has been visiting Myrtle on and off for the past three years, but until recently it was a strictly friends-only basis. While this could definitely explain why Sirius has yet to have a real, live girlfriend, one cannot deny that, well… HELLO? THIS IS CRAZY! It is pretty much off-the-charts cuckoo!

Even stranger is the way they apparently go about dating. According to Myrtle all they do is sit in the lavatory together, sometimes for _hours_, just talking. They cannot have any sort of physical contact, or else he will fell as we all do when we touch a ghost – all cold and gross. Never mind the fact that Myrtle is not made of solid matter!

"Oh, but Sirius doesn't care for any of that. He loves me for me," crowed Myrtle when we asked her. "He sometimes feels bad that he can't take me out, you know, to Hogsmeade and such, so he does really sweet things. Like, he buys me flowers or moldy peanuts."

So there you have it folks. The playboy and the whiny waif. This truly is a _Beauty and the Beast _story. But how long will this unusual coupling last? How will they react to their relationship going public?

Below are the responses of various inhabitants of this castle to the rather shocking relationship we at the _Hogwarts Hearsay_ have uncovered:

"Um, ew. That's just gross. I mean, he should probably just dump her and hop into bed with me. He can't even, you know, _do_ her, or anything!" –_ Our anonymous tipster_

"Fabulous! This is just fabulous – it's a great step in pro-ghost movements, you know**." – **_Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington__ a.k.a. "Nearly Headless Nick", resident ghost of Gyffindor_

"Hahaha!" – _Severus Snape, seventh-year Slytherin_

"Is this a proven fact? If not, which I doubt it is, please leave my office and do not waste my time, I have papers to grade." – _Professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor house_

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_Would you like to drop off a tip?_

_Yeah, we know. We have our own eyes and ears opened and peeled everywhere, but we could always use a little bit of help. If you have something you'd like to tell us, send an owl to:_

The Hogwarts Hearsay

_Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry_

_All tips will be anonymous unless otherwise noted._


End file.
